What is love?

I have a multitude of friends from different walks of life, different backgrounds, different personalities, and different religions. I have friends that are 16 years old and friends that are in their seventies. I have friends that have different political beliefs, different societal beliefs and different thought processes. The one thing that every one of my friends has in common is that they all believe in love.

Now when I say that they believe in love that doesn't just mean the amazing, gooey, wonderful stuff. It also means the heart wrenching, hurts so much I'm not so sure I'm going to make it kind.

I believe in the sanctity of love, some people will read that and equate it with marriage, I do too, but when I talk about the sanctity of love, marriage is not the only thing that comes to mind. My love for God, my love for my son, my love of the people in my life that not only comfort me but challenge me, those things come to mind too.

Love is directly related to truth for me, and at the same time I can't believe that love isn't something completely supernatural. Unconditional love is something that I strive for every day but isn't something that I am always successful at.

It's so easy to "fall in love", or say that you love someone or something. This at times makes love not as magical or amazing as it is meant to be. This is something that I utterly adore about my husband. He only says those words when he really means it. Not because I said it first, not because I need to hear it but because he genuinely means it, which makes it that much more special.

I think that we all equate words with love, and of course words can convey love. So can silence, so can holding hands, so can acts of kindness that you weren't expecting. A friend who always shows up, a person that tells you what you need to hear instead of what you want. Someone who loves you enough to see that you could be hurting yourself and others with your words or actions and tells you so.

All people see love differently. All people need it. Writers and artists and philosophers have used it as a subject for years. Hollywood movies use it as a continual subject. But most times it's about the fun falling in love part, or the passionate painful love, very rarely is it about the enduring, tenderness that transcends all else and overcomes the worst of fates and circumstances.

Very few times is agape love (unconditional love) talked about. Love is not just good feelings and hugs. Love is messy, and dirty, and scary, and hard. Love is completely worth it.

Without love (and for me the love of God that fills me), I am a shell. I am faking it through life to always find the elusive love that I need instead of seeing it in the people around me without Him.

I once had a friend that I used to sit and talk to at a coffee shop in downtown Pittsburgh. We used to sit in the window seat and people watch to find everything wrong with the people that walked by, it was easy. Then one day we decided to change the game, we started looking for things that we liked about each person. That took some creative effort, it started with shallow things like people's shoes and ended up being things like "I love that she's lifting her face into the sun, she's beautiful when she does that". The point being that it's easier sometimes not to love than to see the heart and soul of another human being.

People think that love is subjective, that they get to pick and choose who they get to love and bestow their gift on. But I don't believe that. I think that loving another person, be it your best friend or the stranger that you held the door open for is why we are here. That if we are filled to the brim with love then we can't help but share it.

God specifically made me who I am to love every other person that I could reach. Not only to make sure that they knew that I loved them, but more so that he loves them. My sole purpose in love is to reflect the amazing love that I was made with, that gets me through my days and that is a direct reflection from the one true God that is the source of it.

Amen for the love in your life. I hope that in some small way I add to it.

K

 

A love like no other

This past week has been a roller coaster ride.  It was Easter, my birthday, midterms, family, work, and then I think from pure exhaustion, I got a cold.  But wow, this ride has been amazing.
I felt closer to God, my husband, my family, and my friends all at once this week and I am always stunned by the love that God has surrounded me with.
I have never really been a big gift person (don't get me wrong, I don't refuse them).  I have always been and continue to be a woman who appreciates someone doing something for me or has genuinely lovely things to say.
For example, my fifteen year old son got up every day except for one over his entire spring break at 6:30am to take out the dog for me because it was my birthday.  I could have cried.
My brother, who knows that I have recently grown to love cooking sent me a pressure cooker.  It was a gift, but a gift with love and thought and effort.
My friends all wished me a happy birthday on FB, I got cards from family and even one from my mom's best friend that told me that I was her hero because I had been through so much and still abounded in joy.  That did make me cry.
I celebrated with lunch with my sister in law, who's birthday is two days before mine.
I had an amazing Easter dinner and birthday cake with my momma and her side of the family.
The list of blessings goes on and on.
But the biggest gift that I got was that my husband and son, my mom and dad (Vince), and my friend Andie came to church to praise God with me.  My heart was so full sitting there surrounded by God's love and theirs that I couldn't keep the smile off of my face.
Sharing God with the people that I love most is always my favorite thing.  It is something that is meant to shared in love.  God loves them more than I ever could.
Seeing God touch other people's lives regardless of how small of a difference it may make is always a thrill for me.
Letting God use me to do it is that amazing roller coaster that I was talking about.  It takes my breath away. 
My life is always busy, it is always moving and changing and expanding and growing and with God at the helm I never know where I am going. 
Somehow knowing doesn't seem to matter as much as it used to because every now and then, like on this Easter He allows me a glimpse at His plans.  I watch him move people to his purpose, I feel Him move me.
Psalm 119:33-35
 - Teach me, Lord, the way of your decrees,
that I may follow it to the end. Give me understanding, so that I may keep your law
and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands,for there I find delight.

I delight in God's love and I was blessed to delight in it with so many people that I love on Easter. That really was the best birthday gift ever.

K

 

Emo Me

I will be the first person to acknowledge that I am emotional, passionate, and that my feelings are and have always been a huge part of me.  After all this blog is called fiery redhead life.
It has always been that whatever emotion I felt at the time defined what person I was for those moments that I was feeling that emotion.  It took me until I was 40 years old to see how destructive those feelings could be to me, and to the people around me.
You see, I can feel however I want to in any given situation.  That is who I am by nature.  At the same time my emotions can take over not just my heart, my head, and my logic, but can also expand into my decision making, my mood, and my environment. When that happens, then I am imposing my feelings on everyone around me and that, is not ok.
We live in a world where we are encouraged to be who we are, without question, without accountability, a world where the rules are what we feel is ok for us, and that because the situation, or the feelings, or the opinion is ours, people are to accept it without question.
What I have realized is that my feelings are my own responsibility, that I am accountable for them. an I am allowed to feel how I feel, but I am not allowed to make my feelings and what I want everyone else's priority. When I do that I am selfish, I am prideful, and I am insensitive to the needs of others.
What I have learned is to NOT react immediately to something that happens that makes me sad, or angry, or sick.  To NOT judge others because they don't agree with my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. To NOT think that I am allowed (borrowing a friend's terminology here) to vomit my emotions all over someone and expect them to know how to handle that.
I think that there is something to be said for holding my tongue and thinking about what to say before I speak.  I think that prayer should occur in my head and my heart before I even open my mouth.
I think that these things are a growth in my character, and helpful in my relationships because then I get to hear, really hear, other people and when I listen intently to their pain or happiness I can better grieve with them or celebrate with them.
My emotions are real, they are genuine, they are honest and open, they are mine.  They help to allow me to be full of love, and full of pain, sometimes at the same time.  But they can no longer be the barometer by which I measure my happiness, because they change so often and so quickly.
I use a higher standard than my own, one that never fails, one that is perfect.  It is the word of God.  It allows for my emotions and it allows for my good and bad moods but it also guides me in the way to behave and treat other people when my emotions blind me too much to see what I should be doing to please God, to be Christ like and to put others before myself.  Not just some others.  All others.
I used to think that I got to pick and choose the people in my life, and to some degree that is true, but if I can look past my own emotions, my own prejudice, my own expectations and see the gifts of the people that God has surrounded me with regardless of how I FEEL about them, I am much better able to love them and allow God to fill me over and over with his love, that which never fails.
Is training myself to tame my emotions to God's purpose easy?  Nope.  Never will be.  But everytime I succeed with God's help it's completely, incredibly, obviously worth it.  I love more easily and I am certainly more easy to love.

K

Valentine's Day is coming........

Some people love this holiday.  Some people don't.  I think that love should be the foremost thought on everyone's mind EVERY day.
I don't understand the reason to celebrate one day a year, if you are being loved every day by someone.  It doesn't have to be a "special someone"  it could be just appreciating that there is a God that loves you more than any human being could.  It could be your children, your friends, your family.
There are very few people in this world who don't have at least one person that loves them.
Let me take a minute to break it down just a bit.
Romantic love -
Ladies, this is for you.  Love your man for everything that he does for you on a daily basis and make a big deal about it all of the time.  It's easy to complain and worry.  It's easy to expect great things on this one day.  But don't.  Being content in your relationship and loving your man before everyone but God should be your daily life, even in the middle of trouble a smile and patience can go a long way.  If you want to gift him.  Gift him with telling him how amazing he is or doing something little that you could do later on and he would appreciate it just as much.
Men -  Do women love flowers? dinner out?  a night without the kids?  a weekend away just the two of you?  Yes.  But romance is what SHE likes.  Even if that is burgers grilled at home and a movie or dinner at a cheap coffee house with vegetarian local food.  Don't break the bank on it.  Again, flowers are way more fun when you aren't expecting them than when you are.  Or do something that she's been asking you to do that you just didn't feel like doing.  Clean out the garage, finish painting that room, fix the plumbing in the laundry room.  Whatever it is that she wants most, sacrifice and give it to  her.
Singles - Treat yourself to a day with your best friend and celebrate the relationship that you have.  Don't let people box you into a stereotype and make you think that you have to have a "significant other"  to enjoy a day of love. We are all so busy that planning a guy or girls day could be just what you need.  Or spend time with your family, be that grandma, mom and dad, brothers or sisters. Love is God and love is always a good thing.
Kids- You have so many people in your life that love you and do special things for you.  I know that in elementary school everyone gets a valentine, but go further than that.  Do the dishes for your parents/parent, choose not to argue with them, choose to love the people around you and be a giver without expectations of reward.

Everyone should feel loved every day.  If you want this day to be special then go for it!  But I think that every day should be valentine's day.  Full of love and giving, and should be love in all directions.

Happy early Valentine's Day!!!!!!!

K

Look at me.....first.

Not so long ago I was that crazy, outspoken girl that always wanted to be the center of attention.  Most conversations that I had were focused around what was happening in my life and how something wasn't fair, so how someone had wronged me, or why could that person not like me.  I yelled, I screamed, I bragged, I was prideful and indignant for no reason that anyone could understand.  Quite honestly I felt like everyone around me should feel lucky to be around me because I was smart and funny, and pretty, and I had it all together.
Reality check.  I thought I had it all together.  Then my first husband divorced me, I became ill with end stage renal failure, and I saw who my true friends were.  Bad circumstances tend to scare off fair weather friends, sometimes they will scare off even those you thought would take a bullet for you.
All of this happened about 5 years ago and since that time, much has changed.  I met the love of my life Eric, who not only asked me to marry him while I was on dialysis, but literally saved my life a couple of times prior to me having a double organ transplant a month after we got engaged.  Six months after transplant we got married on the front porch of our new house.
Funny how things that you never saw as important change when you become a disciple of Christ.  That phrase makes a lot of people uncomfortable,  Disciple of Christ.  Religion and false teachings of people that use God to hide behind and something to manipulate people have given those who love God and therefore live to his standard and not their own, a bad rap.
People that I consider some of my best friends get uncomfortable when I bring up God, not because I am preaching at them but because I am sharing my life and how much better it is with God in it.  They see rules, and I see freedom.  They see rhetoric, and I see truth.  They see something that is open to interpretation and I see the word of God.
Yes, I'm a Christian, yes, I live my life in a biblical way.  You would think that me becoming more about changing myself into a better person would be something that everyone could get behind.  But in the last three years I have found that isn't true. 
People are more comfortable with someone who isn't trying to make their life better and continuously growing and changing.  They want you to stay the same so that they can too.
This isn't a judgement, it's my own experience.
These days, when I say look at me first, I mean I look at myself and see what I can change about me prior to looking at someone else and telling them to change because you can't really change anyone else.  It took me until I was 40 to figure that out.
I choose to follow God because I have seen how it has made my life better, in little and in major ways.  These days I look at myself differently because I can look closely and see the ways that I need to grow to be closer to God and that in doing so I am more loving, more compassionate, more caring and more focused on what other people need and less on what I need.
I am no martyr, but I am so far from perfect that I appreciate the grace Christ gives me and the love that I have always been surrounded with.  Even before I devoted my life to Christ, I was blessed with amazing relationhips that I treasure to this day.
But it's wonderful when you can look at your life and realize that you are now serving a purpose bigger than yourself.  When instead of wanting more than what you have, you appreciate your blessings.  Your perspective is different because what you care about has changed.
Being human, of course I still worry about where the money is going to come from, if I will be better or worse after my surgery next week, if my husband and I will work through any problems that arise, if I can be a better wife, mom, and person. But the doer in me now has to step back and trust.  Not an easy thing to do when you are used to being a control freak.  But I know that God has my best interest at heart, all the time.  Romans 8 says so. :)  I know that whatever is happening is what is supposed to be happening, per God's plan and not mine, and his plan is always better than mine any way.
These days I try not to worry, or give into fear.  I try not to attempt to control people and situations that honestly I can't control anyway.  I pray that I can continue to keep my standard as the one God laid out for me and that my goals coincide with his. 
For the first time in my life I am really trying to humble out and be joyful, Even in the worse of circumstances.
None of this would be possible without the holy spirit in me and around me.  None of it would happen if not for God's love for me.  Do bad things happen to good people?  You better believe it, but what they decide to do with it is what allows them to grow or stay the same.
So yes, good or bad I am a disciple of Christ.  Yes, I choose his way over mine.  Do I think that everyone should do it?  Sure.  I recommend at least trying it before judging it, because that is the honest way to look at things.  To experience them for yourself, and to come to your own convictions one way or the other.
Me, I love my life this way, because in every situation I am encouraged to love.  I really enjoy loving people even when it makes them uncomfortable.

K

A Blessed Life

Today was the 3 year anniversary of me getting a second chance at life.  On this day 3 years ago I was getting a new kidney and pancreas through transplant.  I was 37 years old and for some reason I was not afraid at all.
Somehow I knew that the surgery was going to change my life forever.  And it did.  As always, God had a plan for my life that I knew nothing about and it was an amazing thing. Three years after the fact I remember less about the hospital and the pain killers that were so strong that I would fall asleep in the middle of conversations.  I remember less about not being able to eat because my new meds made me sick and that my anemia made me depressed for weeks.  I remember less and less about the pain and the suffering that I went through and I remember more and more the person that it turned me into.
You see, in the year 2010 not only did this tranplant save my life, it gave me marriage to the love of my life, a son that I never expected to have as a bonus love in my life, a new home for our family and the truth and love of God.
God has given me so much in the last 3 years to rejoice over I can't count the blessings. 
Of course, being chronically ill isn't all hearts and roses, I have had several hospitalizations with infections, I have had to stay home from work and take IV meds through a picc line for a month, I have had complications, I have had pain, I've had to withdraw from school with only 3 classes left so that I can have surgery.  That same surgery was supposed to happen twice before and didn't because of previously mentioned infections, I have struggled.  I have been frustrated with my body and it's lack of "being able to do what it used to".
At the same time I have become a follower of Christ, which has given me the strength to keep going.  I have deepened my relationship with God, I have fought for a better marriage with my husband, I do my best to love my child unconditionally, I have surrounded myself with people that not only encourage me in my successes but correct me in love when I hurt them, or when I am hurting myself.  I am better able to love.
Today was an amazing day.  I worked, but all in all I woke up to a loving husband that teased and wished me a Happy Wednesday (his way of telling me that he remembered what today was).  I had amazing conversations with several of my friends about their lives and how they were doing, which good or bad always brings me joy.  I was encouraged by a friend at work through email who is a survivor of a different chronic disease that I inspired her because I was so open with my feelings. 
I went to church and stood up to share the good news of today and my evangelist started my good news for me by sharing that it was good that I was back, how grateful I am that he noticed that I hadn't been there.  Then another person stood up to share good news and hers was to lift up a friend of mine Helen and I (Helen has cancer) because she saw us as examples as to how to be faithful to God in times of tribulation and suffering. 
I was so humbled, because any good that I show in my suffering is only because God has instilled it in me, only because he gave me a joyful heart that refuses to give up, only because he surrounded me with people who lift me up instead of knocking me down.
I am filled with gratitude at the end of this day just like all the other days of my life, because every day I wake up to a world where I am never alone.  God holds my hand, or has Eric or someone else do it for him.  That love is neverending and fills me up.
My relationships show me how I am doing in my relationship with God, and today I was encouraged to find out that I am doing better than I thought I was.
Today was an incredibly wonderful day.

James 1:17 - Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

What a gift this life is and though life will change and pain and suffering are a part of that, love will never change.
I love you all.

Kris

Re-Evaluate

I turned 40 this year.  A lot of people look at this time in their lives and think about what they have missed, what they still have left to do,  where they should be in their jobs, their family life, and their growth as a person.
None of this is wrong.  Re-evaluation of where we are as people is a constant thing that we should be doing, but looking at my life through my own eyes only gives me a limited perspective.  If I am only looking at my world using my own standards I'm not opening myself up to the amazing plans that God has for me.
I am a person who has high expectations for myself, sometimes to my own detriment.  I want to be perfect, at everything, and then when I'm not, then I feel I've let myself and others down.  The only thing that I should be worried about is the standards that God asks of me, he is incredibly more forgiving of my flaws than I am.  Probably because he knows them and what I am capable of much better than I ever will.  He created me, he made me beautiful and special and his.
When I mess up he isn't surprised.  When I fall, he knows.  When I fail, he loves me anyway.
God knows that my one and only heart's desire is to live as he wants me to.  And that is an amazing thing.  If you don't have the full picture of God's love and grace then the rules take over and it becomes overwhelming.
But if you look at what God wants, if you do it because you love him it is incredibly easy, although fighting my own doubts get in the way. 
There are a few basic truths, of course this is the Kris simplified version, never doubt that he loves you, he does.  Never doubt that what is happening is for the good (maybe not your personal good, but for the greater good in God's plan).  Follow God's way no matter what and things will always turn out better, for everyone.
If you don't know God's way, then ask, question, study his word and his character to find out what it is.  Talk to someone about it that you know loves God first.  Then live for a while in the way that God asks you to, see if it's not right, see if a burden isn't lifted from your shoulders, see if you don't bask in the love that God has for you and had all along.
I have lived both ways, without God and for the last 2 and some years with him,  life is hard either way, but when you recognize that God is always in your corner, when you look to him and trust, there is nothing like it.
Recently I've been sick.  Actually most of my life I've been sick.  I get asked all the time how I deal with it.  I get asked if I'm angry, and by the world's standards I should be.  But if I take everything as an opportunity to learn, then the titles of good and bad are taken away and everything is just something that I am learning.  It allows a freedom that I wouldn't have otherwise, a wisdom that I would never have on my own, and the ability to make choices with confidence.
If everything that I am is love, is compassion, is giving, then how can I go wrong?  If I choose pain over anger then I'm skipping hurting someone else.  If I surround myself with God's love, then I can't help but surround others with it too.
So my re-evaluation allows me to decide to let go of what I thought I wanted and accept and nurture what God wants for me.  The direction that I thought I was going changes and I start on a new adventure, a life and love without limits becoming the person that God intended me to be all along.
As always, scripture says it best,

Micah 6:8
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.

I hope that my re-evaluations of myself using God's standards lead me closer to this every day.

K