I will be the first person to acknowledge that I am emotional, passionate, and that my feelings are and have always been a huge part of me. After all this blog is called fiery redhead life.
It has always been that whatever emotion I felt at the time defined what person I was for those moments that I was feeling that emotion. It took me until I was 40 years old to see how destructive those feelings could be to me, and to the people around me.
You see, I can feel however I want to in any given situation. That is who I am by nature. At the same time my emotions can take over not just my heart, my head, and my logic, but can also expand into my decision making, my mood, and my environment. When that happens, then I am imposing my feelings on everyone around me and that, is not ok.
We live in a world where we are encouraged to be who we are, without question, without accountability, a world where the rules are what we feel is ok for us, and that because the situation, or the feelings, or the opinion is ours, people are to accept it without question.
What I have realized is that my feelings are my own responsibility, that I am accountable for them. an I am allowed to feel how I feel, but I am not allowed to make my feelings and what I want everyone else's priority. When I do that I am selfish, I am prideful, and I am insensitive to the needs of others.
What I have learned is to NOT react immediately to something that happens that makes me sad, or angry, or sick. To NOT judge others because they don't agree with my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. To NOT think that I am allowed (borrowing a friend's terminology here) to vomit my emotions all over someone and expect them to know how to handle that.
I think that there is something to be said for holding my tongue and thinking about what to say before I speak. I think that prayer should occur in my head and my heart before I even open my mouth.
I think that these things are a growth in my character, and helpful in my relationships because then I get to hear, really hear, other people and when I listen intently to their pain or happiness I can better grieve with them or celebrate with them.
My emotions are real, they are genuine, they are honest and open, they are mine. They help to allow me to be full of love, and full of pain, sometimes at the same time. But they can no longer be the barometer by which I measure my happiness, because they change so often and so quickly.
I use a higher standard than my own, one that never fails, one that is perfect. It is the word of God. It allows for my emotions and it allows for my good and bad moods but it also guides me in the way to behave and treat other people when my emotions blind me too much to see what I should be doing to please God, to be Christ like and to put others before myself. Not just some others. All others.
I used to think that I got to pick and choose the people in my life, and to some degree that is true, but if I can look past my own emotions, my own prejudice, my own expectations and see the gifts of the people that God has surrounded me with regardless of how I FEEL about them, I am much better able to love them and allow God to fill me over and over with his love, that which never fails.
Is training myself to tame my emotions to God's purpose easy? Nope. Never will be. But everytime I succeed with God's help it's completely, incredibly, obviously worth it. I love more easily and I am certainly more easy to love.
K
