So this month I turn 44 years old and in the life that I've had thus far I've always considered myself a feminist.
I've never burned a bra, I've never marched in the streets, I've never had to fight for the right to do what I wanted.
Or so I thought.
But as I read the newest feminist articles that women in their 20s are writing I realize that my generation of feminists kind of fell between the cracks in the fight.
It seems that we were lulled into a version of feminism that allowed us to have most of what we wanted, so that we didn't feel the need to actually fight for all of what we needed.
I find that as I read the newer feminist blogs and articles that I've missed out on having say and input on the things that I feel should have been addressed for women, for myself.
Things that I didn't realize previously were important to me.
Now there are things that I see in some of modern day feminism and I think to myself, "Good lord honey, calm down, no one wants to hear that...." and I realize that I've not grown into the modern feminism that is in your face, you will listen to me, I will make you respect my rights, feminism.
When I was younger I put up with a whole lot less bullshit than I currently do as a woman, so what happened to my fiery, fuck you, I'll do what I want attitude?
Well, first I learned that demanding that people give you what you want typically isn't effective.
No person changes their belief systems simply because you asked them to. People for the most part have developed who they are and what they believe over a lifetime and if I scream that they are wrong in their faces they just dig in their heels and refuse to listen. And really if I'm being a lunatic why should they listen?
Secondly I learned that I have limited energy. There are things that I fight for daily, there are things that I stopped fighting for because they are no longer a focus for me, but there are things that I will rage against for the rest of my existence. Feminism for me is a daily fight, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to fight and so acceptance wins out in that moment. I let the patriarchy win for that battle because I just can't participate in the war that day.
Lastly I have learned that subtle changes in my own life can and will effect the people around me for the better. Me pointing out to the new guy that I'm deemed unprofessional if I don't wear make up and do my hair and wear specific clothing to work is an opportunity for him to realize that things are different for me than they are for him. Talking to my son about the fact that I will always expect him to treat women as equals because, well, they are, even if the world might tell him otherwise. Attempting to not give in to the ridiculousness that exists in my male dominated career where each guy has a different way of dealing with the woman in the office, be that talking to me like I'm fragile and can't take constructive feedback, or treating me like one of the guys to the point where it's almost uncomfortable, or feeling awkward because they want to be forward thinking but deep down they still wonder if a woman can be good at IT.
Each person has to define what they believe feminism should be, for the most part all it does is verify what we should already know, that everyone should have the same opportunities and the same rights. It's recognizing that everyone doesn't have equality and that should matter to us.
I choose to express this in a more subtle way than some, but I've figured out that sometimes that works. That my subtle feminism allows me to be heard, that sometimes humanity as a whole needs to take a less aggressive approach to change so that the changes stick and aren't just talk.
I'm fiery in my belief for equality but subtle in how I express it and moving forward I will continue to fight in whatever way works best for me. That is feminism in and of itself.
