There are things that I have now that when I was young I never had and therefore never worried about. As a teenager and in my twenties I dreamt of a house, a husband, a job, and kids. I had huge goals of the type of person that I would be, the kind of life that I would lead, and the things that I would do.
We live in a country where we can do that. Where going to college is something that every person can do if they want to. That we can think of a profession or a job and if it's really what we want to do we can almost always find a way to make it happen.
We literally live in a huge world of choices and opportunity.
And most of the time we take it for granted. Most times, having so many choices makes us unwilling to make a choice in case we are wrong, or God forbid, someone holds us accountable for our choices.
The problems that we have in our lives (well, these are kind of specific to mine) are "Hey, I wanted to get new shoes because the brown ones that I have are kind of beat up" or "I have to pay back my student loan starting the first of the year" or " My job title is System Administrator Intermediate I really should be a System Administrator Senior" or "My teenager is driving me nuts I really wish I could give him to someone else until he grows out of this phase" or "I left my cell phone at home" or......insert your issue here.
In our lives, we have expectations. Life should be fair. I deserve that job that pays more, I deserve a big house for my family. I should be healthy I eat right and exercise. I need that car, tv, computer, cell phone, vacation.....again, fill in your "need" here.
What I have come to realize in my own selfishness is that everything that I have, I have because I lucked into it. I was born in a fair, stable, most people aren't starving to death country. To amazing parents who did the best that they could, married a wonderful man and adopted a great kid.
I have two cats and two dogs. I have a job that allows me to have credit cards and let's me pay for my college education. Oh, wait, I have a college education. I live in one of the best medical communities in the United States so my life was saved by a transplant almost 4 years ago.
I didn't provide any of this for myself. I lucked into living where I live, having the family that I have, and being able to get great medical care.
I think that sometimes we misunderstand what we are really entitled to. Clean water, food, a safe place to sleep and live. Those are basic human needs. Anything beyond that and we should stop our complaining.
I am a perfect example of this. I constantly want better than what I have, which in some cases allows me to grow, and have goals, and expand my knowledge and experience. On the other hand this discontent can also affect the people around me when my expectation is of perfect at every given moment and never about being content with where I am at. Most times the expectations that I have for myself are even higher.
We most times don't want to work for anything. I mean really, really work.
Consider this, people in Africa that are farmers consider it an honor to grow food for themselves because otherwise they would starve, and so would most of their village and family. Think about the fact that these same people don't have running water, or electricity, or phones, or a TV.
That the majority of their day is spent, surviving. But that they are joyful and grateful, because they are alive. How many of us would get up at 4am to work all day until the sun went down. Then walk 2 miles each way to get clean water to drink, fix rice for dinner, and then sleep for 8 hours to get up and do it all again? And do it with determination, joy, and to make a difference in our own lives and the lives of others?
It's hard for any of us to know what it is to live that life or even anything remotely close to it. Our lives are lived in convenience. Even the poorest of us.
It's not always fair to compare yourself to others, but in most cases if it will humble us out and allow us to be grateful for anything we have it's well worth it.
I need to look around me and stop complaining. I need to be grateful and gracious with my giving of money, time, and love, because I started off with so much of that to begin with.
I need to realize that my life has an affect on others and that I have a choice as to how my love, words, and actions affect them.
And I need to try and narrow down what I actually need. Realize how much overflow I have, and not only be grateful but be giving in sharing with others.
Live a life of impact by living a life of gratitude that encourages you to share all that you have with those who need it most. That is a goal I can be proud of, and happy with.
Much love.
K
Friday, November 22, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Married Romance......
My husband bought me a chest freezer today. Then we went to Costco, got a membership and went shopping. It's one of the most romantic things that anyone has ever done for me.
On the surface, many people (mostly women) would scoff at the idea that buying someone a chest freezer and a membership to a warehouse club is romantic. However I disagree.
We as a society have bought into the whole romantic ideal, that flowers, chocolates, and jewelry are what really win over a woman's heart. As a pragmatic and independent woman, I would like to state for the record that those things are not always what win me over.
Don't get me wrong, I love when he comes home and announces that he is taking me to dinner without the company of our son or anyone else. I love when he takes me on a date night, or we have a romantic weekend away just the two of us.
I also love when he orders pizza and plays video games with our son so that I can go hide behind a book in our room for the rest of the night. I love that at the thrift store he tells me to buy whatever I want in the clothing section, even though I already have a closet full of clothing. And I love that he took the time to go to the different warehouse clubs, find the best deal, pay for our membership and chose the store that had more organic food items and household item choices because that is what I wanted.
Romance in it's essence is doing something that the other person really wants, even if you don't want it, even if you have to sacrifice something of what you want to get it. Nothing will romance a woman faster than knowing her preferences and giving them to her without complaint.
A romantic gift for me can run the gambit from eating at a vegan restaurant (no one else in my family likes it) to taking me to see a chick flick (again, I am the only woman in my home). It can be as simple as purchasing a chest freezer so that I can cook healthier foods for our family and we have a place to store them.
Flowers are amazing, but they die, chocolate is great but I'm diabetic, and jewelry is wonderful but my wedding rings are the only jewelry I need.
I think that movies, society, and even other women sometimes tell us what romance is and what is should be and how men should treat us. Well, I believe that is something that each couple defines and learns for themselves. If you want flowers and your husband knows that and does it, it's a win. If he loves tools and you take him to pick out whatever he wants at Harbor Freight, also a win.
You can't put a price tag or a description on each couple's love, that is for them to decide together.
And so I sit in our room and write this with a heart full of love for my husband, because after almost six years we are still learning and growing into the best ways to romance each other.
And today it was with a freezer.
Tomorrow is could be something different, and learning that for each of us is half the fun.
K
On the surface, many people (mostly women) would scoff at the idea that buying someone a chest freezer and a membership to a warehouse club is romantic. However I disagree.
We as a society have bought into the whole romantic ideal, that flowers, chocolates, and jewelry are what really win over a woman's heart. As a pragmatic and independent woman, I would like to state for the record that those things are not always what win me over.
Don't get me wrong, I love when he comes home and announces that he is taking me to dinner without the company of our son or anyone else. I love when he takes me on a date night, or we have a romantic weekend away just the two of us.
I also love when he orders pizza and plays video games with our son so that I can go hide behind a book in our room for the rest of the night. I love that at the thrift store he tells me to buy whatever I want in the clothing section, even though I already have a closet full of clothing. And I love that he took the time to go to the different warehouse clubs, find the best deal, pay for our membership and chose the store that had more organic food items and household item choices because that is what I wanted.
Romance in it's essence is doing something that the other person really wants, even if you don't want it, even if you have to sacrifice something of what you want to get it. Nothing will romance a woman faster than knowing her preferences and giving them to her without complaint.
A romantic gift for me can run the gambit from eating at a vegan restaurant (no one else in my family likes it) to taking me to see a chick flick (again, I am the only woman in my home). It can be as simple as purchasing a chest freezer so that I can cook healthier foods for our family and we have a place to store them.
Flowers are amazing, but they die, chocolate is great but I'm diabetic, and jewelry is wonderful but my wedding rings are the only jewelry I need.
I think that movies, society, and even other women sometimes tell us what romance is and what is should be and how men should treat us. Well, I believe that is something that each couple defines and learns for themselves. If you want flowers and your husband knows that and does it, it's a win. If he loves tools and you take him to pick out whatever he wants at Harbor Freight, also a win.
You can't put a price tag or a description on each couple's love, that is for them to decide together.
And so I sit in our room and write this with a heart full of love for my husband, because after almost six years we are still learning and growing into the best ways to romance each other.
And today it was with a freezer.
Tomorrow is could be something different, and learning that for each of us is half the fun.
K
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Welcome back FieryRedhead
So it will be two months since my last blog post tomorrow. I figured that I had enough time away from writing to the public to come back and hopefully write something of substance. You see, I only write when I am affected greatly by something, be it spiritually, emotionally, or physically. My need to write typically doesn't come in the positive times in my life.
That being said, sometimes things are too close to home to write about in the moment. Things hurt too deeply, they take over a part of my life and until I can look at them in an "I learned from this" perspective I have no desire or quite honestly no purpose to write.
If my brain, heart, and hurt are all over the place it makes it incredibly hard to make sense of where I am at, let alone to share that with others in a way that might be useful to them.
And let's face it, we read blog postings to learn from what others have experienced, to look and see what we might be able to do better, to learn that others are as human as we are.
So I will start there. I owe many people in my life an apology. They know who they are, and I am hoping that this post will be enough.
I was not loving you enough. I was selfish, and judgmental, and incredibly short sighted. And I am sorry that I hurt you. I have no excuse. I am sorry that me being so self involved hurt our relationship and that I couldn't look past my own life to see how lovely and important your life is.
I believe wholeheartedly that where I am now is where I am meant to be in this moment, a place of humility, thought, and most of all, love.
I had tried most of my life to surround myself and the people that were with me in love, acceptance, and joy. I stumbled just now and all of us felt it.
I focused too much on what others wanted, to the point where I became resentful and bitter. To the point where I stopped caring about he needs of others and pulled back the love from you to give to myself.
I have learned that I need to be ok with who I am so that I can be filled to overflowing as I was before. I have learned that sacrifice of what I want is not always the answer when it is not truly sacrifice but something I feel obligated to do.
I have learned that I need to be comfortable in my own skin, spirit, and mind in order to give my best to those around me. I have mostly learned that I will never be at the place I want to be, that the love that I want to be surrounded with and that I want to give to others is always a work in progress.
I am more comfortable with where my heart is now, more than ever, because I don't see loving as an obligation, but as it is meant to be, a gift, a choice, and something that requires effort but not work.
I am going back to the passionate, loving, giving, free - spirited woman that existed for so long in this world before she became afraid of consequences, terrified of letting people down, and worried that her humanity was a weakness.
I am back to my fiery redheaded self. The woman that loves unconditionally, who holds back only hurtful impulses, and who accepts readily who she is and who you are.
My purpose is to love beyond all expectations, every single one of the people in my life and outside of it as a representative of positive change and positive influence. If I lose sight of that love, I ask you to please remind me of who I am meant to be.
With this post I promise to look further into my heart to bring out the love, the sincerity, and the hope that was absent for a while. I also ask that you be patient, because along with the passion and love comes anger and emotion, recklessness and humanity, and a need to search out my own truth.
What I am saying is that perfection is unattainable, but I am learning to accept my own flaws, and with that be able to grow them into something different.
I love you all for being patient and loving with me. For holding me up when I let myself down. For giving me your attention and your time.
I look forward to this life that will always be a changing, growing, amazing blessing. I look forward to sharing the rest of the journey with all of you.
Much love always.
K
That being said, sometimes things are too close to home to write about in the moment. Things hurt too deeply, they take over a part of my life and until I can look at them in an "I learned from this" perspective I have no desire or quite honestly no purpose to write.
If my brain, heart, and hurt are all over the place it makes it incredibly hard to make sense of where I am at, let alone to share that with others in a way that might be useful to them.
And let's face it, we read blog postings to learn from what others have experienced, to look and see what we might be able to do better, to learn that others are as human as we are.
So I will start there. I owe many people in my life an apology. They know who they are, and I am hoping that this post will be enough.
I was not loving you enough. I was selfish, and judgmental, and incredibly short sighted. And I am sorry that I hurt you. I have no excuse. I am sorry that me being so self involved hurt our relationship and that I couldn't look past my own life to see how lovely and important your life is.
I believe wholeheartedly that where I am now is where I am meant to be in this moment, a place of humility, thought, and most of all, love.
I had tried most of my life to surround myself and the people that were with me in love, acceptance, and joy. I stumbled just now and all of us felt it.
I focused too much on what others wanted, to the point where I became resentful and bitter. To the point where I stopped caring about he needs of others and pulled back the love from you to give to myself.
I have learned that I need to be ok with who I am so that I can be filled to overflowing as I was before. I have learned that sacrifice of what I want is not always the answer when it is not truly sacrifice but something I feel obligated to do.
I have learned that I need to be comfortable in my own skin, spirit, and mind in order to give my best to those around me. I have mostly learned that I will never be at the place I want to be, that the love that I want to be surrounded with and that I want to give to others is always a work in progress.
I am more comfortable with where my heart is now, more than ever, because I don't see loving as an obligation, but as it is meant to be, a gift, a choice, and something that requires effort but not work.
I am going back to the passionate, loving, giving, free - spirited woman that existed for so long in this world before she became afraid of consequences, terrified of letting people down, and worried that her humanity was a weakness.
I am back to my fiery redheaded self. The woman that loves unconditionally, who holds back only hurtful impulses, and who accepts readily who she is and who you are.
My purpose is to love beyond all expectations, every single one of the people in my life and outside of it as a representative of positive change and positive influence. If I lose sight of that love, I ask you to please remind me of who I am meant to be.
With this post I promise to look further into my heart to bring out the love, the sincerity, and the hope that was absent for a while. I also ask that you be patient, because along with the passion and love comes anger and emotion, recklessness and humanity, and a need to search out my own truth.
What I am saying is that perfection is unattainable, but I am learning to accept my own flaws, and with that be able to grow them into something different.
I love you all for being patient and loving with me. For holding me up when I let myself down. For giving me your attention and your time.
I look forward to this life that will always be a changing, growing, amazing blessing. I look forward to sharing the rest of the journey with all of you.
Much love always.
K
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)