I turned 40 this year. A lot of people look at this time in their lives and think about what they have missed, what they still have left to do, where they should be in their jobs, their family life, and their growth as a person.
None of this is wrong. Re-evaluation of where we are as people is a constant thing that we should be doing, but looking at my life through my own eyes only gives me a limited perspective. If I am only looking at my world using my own standards I'm not opening myself up to the amazing plans that God has for me.
I am a person who has high expectations for myself, sometimes to my own detriment. I want to be perfect, at everything, and then when I'm not, then I feel I've let myself and others down. The only thing that I should be worried about is the standards that God asks of me, he is incredibly more forgiving of my flaws than I am. Probably because he knows them and what I am capable of much better than I ever will. He created me, he made me beautiful and special and his.
When I mess up he isn't surprised. When I fall, he knows. When I fail, he loves me anyway.
God knows that my one and only heart's desire is to live as he wants me to. And that is an amazing thing. If you don't have the full picture of God's love and grace then the rules take over and it becomes overwhelming.
But if you look at what God wants, if you do it because you love him it is incredibly easy, although fighting my own doubts get in the way.
There are a few basic truths, of course this is the Kris simplified version, never doubt that he loves you, he does. Never doubt that what is happening is for the good (maybe not your personal good, but for the greater good in God's plan). Follow God's way no matter what and things will always turn out better, for everyone.
If you don't know God's way, then ask, question, study his word and his character to find out what it is. Talk to someone about it that you know loves God first. Then live for a while in the way that God asks you to, see if it's not right, see if a burden isn't lifted from your shoulders, see if you don't bask in the love that God has for you and had all along.
I have lived both ways, without God and for the last 2 and some years with him, life is hard either way, but when you recognize that God is always in your corner, when you look to him and trust, there is nothing like it.
Recently I've been sick. Actually most of my life I've been sick. I get asked all the time how I deal with it. I get asked if I'm angry, and by the world's standards I should be. But if I take everything as an opportunity to learn, then the titles of good and bad are taken away and everything is just something that I am learning. It allows a freedom that I wouldn't have otherwise, a wisdom that I would never have on my own, and the ability to make choices with confidence.
If everything that I am is love, is compassion, is giving, then how can I go wrong? If I choose pain over anger then I'm skipping hurting someone else. If I surround myself with God's love, then I can't help but surround others with it too.
So my re-evaluation allows me to decide to let go of what I thought I wanted and accept and nurture what God wants for me. The direction that I thought I was going changes and I start on a new adventure, a life and love without limits becoming the person that God intended me to be all along.
As always, scripture says it best,
Micah 6:8
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
I hope that my re-evaluations of myself using God's standards lead me closer to this every day.
K
