The human impulse system is credibly strong, for food, for interaction, for love. But when do impulses become dangerous? Be they physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually?
How do we as human beings recognize something that at the time is precious and wonderful then turn into something dangerous and harmful to us? Or see it for the harmful thing that it is in the first place?
You would think that we would know. But often times, well, the heart and mind can be deceiving. Biblically speaking the heart is usually the problem. And that is where the majority of my own issues in decision making come in.
I have always been a do things because my heart is in it kind of person. I have always felt things strongly, love, dislike, passion, and intensity are norms in the world of Kris.
Typically when it comes to love for God, my husband, my child, even my pets and friends this is not a dangerous thing. But how do you know when it becomes dangerous? When do our feelings take over to push us towards unhealthy relationships or actions and how do we prevent this from happening?
Well, there are the obvious cases, if someone is physically abusing you, when someone is mentally and emotionally abusing you, when someone suddenly tries to tell you that you aren't who you are.
That last one is something that needs somewhat of an explanation.
God made you. Agreeing or disagreeing for me is a mute point, it's the truth. So I look at the person that I am and say, yup, I'm pretty amazing, this body has been through a lot, this brain too, and this heart. But why? Well, some of it was to grow me into a more Godly person, meaning I had wondered away from my creator and he brought me back closer.
Some of it was ridiculous choices that I made that hurt myself, half the men I've dated in my life, some of the friends that I have had were not the best influences on me, but I chose them, and they were who they were and I chose to be who I was at the time. To not take accountablity for that would be immature on so many levels it would be nuts.
So now that I have more maturity in years and in spirit and with getting my heart broken into a million pieces, so when my heart wants something that is downright bad for it (and usually instinct tells you that, it's if you chose to listen) and my brain isnt' putting up quite the fight it needs to, what then?
Well, first, I pray. God already knows what my heart is telling me and that I am close to doing something stupid and harmful to myself. So I bring it to him and ask for help.
If you were thinking of committing physical harm to yourself or someone else, I would hope that you would find help, but somehow we think that emotionally, mentally, and spiritually we are stronger than our impulses and stronger on our own.
We aren't. At least I'm not.
Tell a friend that you trust to tell you the truth. The majority of us have those friends that love us enough to tell us when we are about to do something dumb. Tell them about it, and reality may hit you square in the face when you say it out loud to someone else as to how harmful it could be to you and possibly others.
Change your thought process. I know, most people will tell me that isn't possible. But it is. It really and truly is. It's hard, it takes work, it takes a lot of prayer, mediation, and ultimately sacrificing whatever it is that you think you want, but it's possible. I know. I've done it with God's help.
Every battle is not something that I win. I make mistakes, I trip over my own feelings and get caught up sometimes. But bringing them to God, well, for me that is just what makes sense if I can't see myself clearly, I know for sure that He can.
Let's face it, as a human being there are going to be things that I just want. I will continue to want and that in the long run will kick the crap out of me and leave me hurting.
So instead of allowing that, I choose to let God and the word of God tell me what I need.
And I need Him. Nothing in this world that will ever present itself will fill that God shaped hole in me like He can. Nothing else was meant to.
So when I struggle to see and feel what's best for me, I look to something greater than myself, a love that is bigger than any other thing in this world or any other....and I allow God to lift me out of my own emotions long enough for me to see what he does, that I have grace, that I have love, that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
And what I wanted seems silly and ridiculous in comparison.
Praise God for that.
K
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