The greatest of these.......

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Even if you aren't a Christian or ever picked up a Bible you know at least part of this scripture from a sign in Hallmark, words spoken at a wedding, or some part of it in a greeting card for a loved one.
Every time I read this, it touches me.  I like to think of myself as a loving person, that for so long that my personality has been based in love and that each day my love for God and other people grows.  My faith and this scripture tell me that God is a loving, amazing God, that I am loved and that without love that I am nothing.  But like a lot of things, I think that human beings tend to read something so many times that it becomes rote, that they start to lose meaning.  I words I love you even get used so often that they start to lose their meaning when it's something that we say because we know that we are supposed to, a habit that we have created for the people that we love.  When is the last time that I looked at my husband  or my child for no reason other than their existance and told them with my whole heart and with tears in my eyes that they are loved?  Even more so, when was the last time that I looked at them when I was angry or upset with them and genuinely looked at them with love and said those words?  So here is the Kris interpretation of 1 Corinthians 13 that makes it a little bit more personal to me and makes me really think about it instead of just reading it I want to keep using it as the amazing example of love that Christ has already given me.

"If I tell you how beautiful and intelligent and brave and amazing you are, but do not have love, I am only saying what I have said before with empty words that have been said by many others to many others over and over again. ² If I have the gift of knowing you so well that I usually can predict how you will react and can figure out situations and learn from everything that goes on around me, and if I have a faith that shows how Godly and blessed I am, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I emptied my bank account and sold my house and everything in it and gave it all away to people who needed it way more than I ever did, and talk like my body isn't that big of a deal when it's a ridiculous mess of pain and illness, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love doesn't snap at it's husband or child, love doesn't need a reason to help someone. It does not want a better job with more money so that it can have nicer things, it does not brag about how talented it is, it does not hold others to standards other than God's. ⁵ It does not bring down others to feel better about itself, it is not so selfish that it wants to be better than the person next to it, it is not easily angered, it doesn't list every thing that every person has ever done to them as an excuse to distance itself from them. ⁶ Love does not delight in hurting others with words and actions, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects others and not itself, always trusts God and not itself, always hopes in the promises of the Word, always perseveres because it has been given the blessing of the presence of God.

⁸ Love never fails. But where I think I know better than others, this will cease; where I talk like I know what I'm talking about , I will be stopped; where I think that I am so smart, it will fade away. ⁹ For we know from our experiences and we can see our future in part, ¹⁰ but when God's completeness comes, what I think I know will mean nothing. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, in God's eyes I am still a child. And only when I became a part of God's kingdom did I even start to become the person that God had planned me to be. ¹² For now we see only what we choose to and what God reveals to us; then we will see all of God's truth. Now I know myself in part; then God will show me myself fully, God created me and has always known who I am and who I will become..

¹³ And now these three remain: faith in Christ, hope in His promises through his Word and the love that I couldn't have without my God. But the greatest of these is love that comes from God that he allows me to share with others."

K

Let me think about it.......

How many times in a day do you hear someone say the words, "I'm not sure, let me think about it"?  I personally have many examples in my life where I've either said those words or I have just avoided the subject completely by promising something that never comes to be.  There are people on both sides of this subject, those that really and truly need to think about what you are asking of them so that they can make an informed decision.  There are also those that say that so that they don't have to tell you that they don't have time, or they really honestly want to but never really get around to doing what you've asked.  I've fallen into both of these categories.....very rarely do I give a distinct yes or a distinct no when someone asks me to do something, because my life is so demanding already.
In our society today it's absolutely wonderful when someone goes and just does something for someone else when they are asked to do it, let alone when they aren't.
There was an amazing story of a man who heard about the lack of kidneys available for transplant for the 3 year waiting list who just walked into a hospital one day and offered his kidney to whomever it matched.  I'm a transplant patient and if I were healthy I don't know if I would even do that.
I'm not saying walk into your local hospital and save someone's life, but it seems to me that we've lost the art of charity.
We write a check and send it to a charity when we are moved by something that someone else is doing, and there is nothing wrong with that, but when was the last time one of us got our hands dirty in an act of charity?
When did we go and pray at a hospital with strangers that didn't have friends or family to be there for their surgery?
When did we offer to work the line in a soup kitchen EVERY Saturday, not just 2 times a year?
When was the last time that we went to a third world country and lived in a cement hut for just a week to help orphans?
Let's get a little bit more personal here,  when was the last time that a friend had a health issue or needed babysitting, or needed money, and you just assumed that someone else would help them take a shower, or watch their kids, or give them twenty dollars? 
When was the last time that you just spent time with someone without having something else planned an hour later so that they have your full attention for as long as they need it?
When is the last time that you stayed at work longer so that someone else could leave early to go and see their family before you did?
You see, my belief is that charity is sacrifice, and if it isn't, then it's not really something that you are giving for the right reason.  Don't get me wrong, we all do what we can, but do we?
When it's inconvenient for us to drive across town to take dinner to a friend, do we still do it?
When we have to look at the ugliness of sick children do we still go and read them stories in the hospital?
When our parents start to get older, because we have kids and our lives are so much busier than theirs, do we still expect them in their 60s and 70s and 80s expect them to come and visit us?
I'm as guilty as the rest.  But I try not to be.  I try very hard to be committed to the things that I devote myself to, and these days I try very hard to not devote myself to everything, but to make the important things count.
We spread ourselves too thin, and then truly we are not useful to anyone.  When was the last time that you sat down and thought about how you were going to spend your free time and it wasn't about you? When was the last time you didn't plan it but you had some free time and went to help someone else?  Unexpected grace is always an amazing thing.  One of my favorite scriptures says it best,  Matthew 5:34-37:³⁴ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; ³⁵ or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. ³⁶ And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. ³⁷ All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. 
So I for one want to cut back on my "let me think about it" statements and leave more free time in my schedule so that my yes is a yes and my no is a no.  I want to truly give and not just phone it in.  I truly hope that I can.

K

Two years in Christ and I still have so much to learn

Today is what I call my spirithday.  Two years ago today I made the decision to live my life for Christ and to consider heaven my home, not the world that I currently live in.
The last two years on my spirithday I look back and remember what it was like on the day that I decided to devote my entire life to the love and pursuit of God's word and the life of a disciple of Christ.
I remember waking up that monring and reading the entirety of 1 Peter (still one of my favorite parts of the Bible to read), I remember that my sister Melissa and her husband had come all the way from South Carolina to watch my life change as I came out of my baptism with the holy spirit now guiding me instead of my own internal thoughts.
I remember my husband, and my son being there and watching.
But most of all, what I remember, more than anything is coming up out of the water sobbing.  There are no words to describe it, there is no way that I can tell you the relief, the joy, the weight that was lifted within 3 seconds of baptism.
It's impossible to explain to someone who has never studied God's word and then decided that whatever life God has for them is better than any life they could have planned for themselves.  It's hard to explain the love and compassion that are in my heart that weren't there before.  It's impossible to tell someone that you were made a new creation by Christ in the 3 seconds that you were in the water.
But it's true.  Believers will tell you it's the holy spirit and I'm filled with it, I will tell you that.
Others will say that I needed something to believe in after all of the struggles that my health and the rest of my life threw at me, and that's not necessarily untrue, but it's not why I chose what I did.
Some will say that I've been brainwashed and that I can't think for myself.  That isn't true either. (Especially if you know how head strong and willful I can be).
People who haven't experienced God's love in it's purest form cannot understand.  In a world that demands that we give in to our own needs and wants, a life of sacrifice in the name of God isn't understood or validated.  Being kind to people without expecting something in return, especially credit, is almost frowned upon.
Living your life for Christ and being open and honest about it regardless of who you are talking to is offensive to some people.
Not because they are bad people but because they don't understand it. I didn't understand it for 38 years and then I decided to look into it for myself.  I asked questions, I wanted proof, I demanded answers, and then I believed.  I am sure that the women who were in my bible studies wondered where some of these questions came from.
I wanted reassurance, I wanted promises, I wanted a better life here. But biblically I'm not entitled to that.  Honestly, I wasn't created for that purpose.
Once I took a solid look at where I had been and where I could be, I was convicted.  At that moment I couldn't imagine a life without God leading it.
So two years ago today I committed myself to living in God's way and God's truth.  I have never regretted it and I grow closer to him and closer to the person that I was meant to be every day.  What freedom I have experienced in the last 2 years!  What grace and love have been put into my eyes for me to see.
The fact that my life is still hard is ok, the fact that I still don't always get my way is also ok, because what matters now is so different than what mattered before.  I hope that people no longer see me, I hope that they see Christ.  Everything good in me came from him. My gifts, my love, my heart, my soul, my joy, my happiness, and my personality.  All him, working through me to better love and touch those around me.  I pray that I continue to let him do it until the day I die.
Two years later, I am still excited to be a disciple of Christ and I can't wait to see what he has planned for me next.

K

What Standards do I believe in?

All people think differently, feel differently, handle things differently.  There is no one way for things to go, there are always choices.
We as people believe in our choices, fight for our freedom to make them, and ultimately desire to make the right choices.  Other than ourselves who is there to tell us we made the right choice?
Our parents, our friends, the people we work with, highly intelligent people that we don't know but see credentials to show that they know what they are talking about.  Work leaders, political leaders, even religious leaders can all be trusted and when they can't be trusted then we can just count on ourselves, right?  Because we are a highly intelligent, highly adaptable, and highly intuitive race.
Thinking that we are right has gotten us where?
Look around you.
People are starving, there is illness everywhere, corruption is rampant in our world and not just in politics.  We find it good when others fail and make us look good by comparision, we find it interesting to watch other peoples lives unravel on the television.  We are continuously saved from being the bottom of the barrel of humanity by setting standards for ourselves that we know that we can meet and then thinking ourselves better than others because we can do them.
We take credit for our own gifts and talents and when something in our life is wrong then we find someone or something (if my parents were more supportive, if only such and such situation didn't happen) to blame for our failures.
We aren't comfortable showing people our real selves.  When I say real selves I mean that deep inner part of you that only you and God know exists.  That part that cries alone in your room because you don't want others to perceive you as weak, that part of you that is so strong that people are impressed, except it's not really strength, it's bravado or arrogance.  That part of you that is afraid that God is real and is very disappointed in you.
Why is there this ingrained thought in ourselves that we think that we know not just what's best for ourselves but for everyone else?  Let me tell you, I spent most of my life living by my own standards and for a long, long time that worked.  There wasn't anything wrong with it because I knew what was best for me.  Except that I didn't.
Answer this question, when was the last time that you made a decision about your own life that didn't hurt someone?  You see we live our lives thinking that we live in a bubble," well, if I do this then it won't affect anyone else, I'm just going to do it."  And that's on the generous days when we don't just skip to the decision without thinking about someone else's feelings.
I hate to tell you this, but that isn't true.  I am a disciple of Christ and I make no secret of that, and I do my absolute best to allow God to dictate what choices I should make in my life because he gave me the Bible to tell me how to do it and the Holy Spirit inside me to give me his strength, energy, and compassion to be a better person.  There is this crazy idea out there that Christians are just mindless drones that do whatever they are told.  And although that can be true for some Christians, I refuse to believe it for one reason and one reason alone.  God's plan always, every single time, works out better than mine.
The bible says put God first and make choices according to his word and when I'm smart enough to choose that, it's true.  Here's the tricky part.  I don't always know right away that the choice that I made is the right one.   I may not know until the day that I die whether some were right or wrong.  But I can give you example after example of things that I didn't want to do God's way that benefited me and those around me.  My marriage is stronger because I allow my husband to lead our household (feminist friends feel free to gasp)  because I trust Eric?  Yes.  But more so because I trust God.  I am a better friend now than I used to be, because I respect my friends opinon, even if they don't agree with mine, but if they are doing something that could hurt them I talk to them about it.  Biblically speaking the life of a true disciple of Christ is filled with sacrifice, pain, and suffering.  So who willingly signs up for that?  All of us that believe that the standard of God is the only one to live by.
Those of us that see that we are blessed and not cursed on a daily basis regardless of the obstacles in our path and the pain that life and the world has dealt us.  Those of us who have been alone, prayed and realized that alone is no longer a word that is necessary in our vocabulary.
Don't get me wrong, occaisionally I slip back into thinking that my standards are better and I stomp my feet and demand my way is better.  Then I see myself and reconsider.  My life devoted to me is short-sighted, and narrow, and selfish and provides no solice, no safety, and no peace.  My life devoted to Christ gives me all of those things and much more.
God's standards are meant for all mankind to follow.  If you don't believe me, then try it and find out.  It's always so easy to say that those standards don't work for you if you've never picked up a Bible, learned about Jesus and chosen to walk in the ways of God.  I've done both and I would pick God's way every time.

K

Pride

The dictionary describes pride as the following:

pride

   /praɪd/ Show Spelled [prahyd]  noun, verb, prid·ed, prid·ing.

noun

1.

a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

2.

the state or feeling of being proud.

3.

a becoming or dignified sense of what is due to oneself or one's position or character; self-respect; self-esteem.

4.

pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself: civic pride.

5.

something that causes a person or persons to be proud: His art collection was the pride of the family.

 

Let me rewrite each of these definitions as I see them.

 

1. I'm better than you.

2. Feeling like I'm better than you.

3. Entitlement because I think I'm better than you

4. I did this and you should think I'm better than you because of my intelligence, effort, etc.

5. Materialism because I'm better than you, look at all this stuff I have

 

Pride doesn't sound quite as appealing when we write it out that way does it?  Yet our culture encourages us to be proud.  Proud to be an American (American's are better than other cultures),  Proud to be a mom, (I wasn't gifted with this child, I created them and all the good stuff is because of me), Proud of my child ( because without me, they wouldn't be as awesome as they are or have accomplished what they have).

That is just the top three from a Google search I just did about "proud to be".

As a follower of Christ, proud should be the last word in my vocabulary to be said, acted out, or thought.  Because I know that I'm an American, because he chose to put me here, where I have a home, food, a family and a healthcare system to take care of me.

I'm a mom, me specifically, because God blessed me with Luke, I didn't bear this child but he was given to me because he needed a mom in his life and I needed him to learn some very important lessons that God had to teach me.

My kid is great because God created him, because God gave him a loving father and mother, and because God blessed him with a heart to love.  That didn't have anything to do with me or him.

 

I think that I need to find a different word to use for when something is right in my life, or even when something is wrong.  I am blessed to be an American, I am encouraged that I am a mom, I am humbled that my child is such a great kid.  Because those words better describe what is really going on.  That God has given me all of these things and that I am grareful for them.

I am a very prideful person, it's something that I am trying to grow out of but it's a part of my nature and so it's difficult to see in myself sometimes.  It helps to write on this blog and just be honest and open about it.

Here are some examples to God be the Glory, not to Kris Gartley:

I have always been very intelligent - God gifted me with that.

I survived several serious illnesses and still am - God has a purpose for me so he kept me alive.

I have a beautiful family that loves me very much - God surrounded me with love and support in human form to encourage my faith in Him.

I have a job - God provides

I have an amazing church body that I belong to - God wants me to learn how to draw closer to him

 

The list could go on and on.  Pride is me thinking that I've done all of these things for myself.  Thinking that I am so smart, so talented, so loving......and all of those gifts are simply God working through me to show others that he is here and he loves me, and them.

So those of you that know me, help me to see the pride in myself and to give the glory to God always.  Without him, I am nothing.  That is truth.

 

K

Who am I?

At 40 years old I sometimes still look at myself and ask the question, who am I? Why am I on this earth?  What job am I supposed to have?  How should I be spending my free time? What should I do to make my world a better place?  What clothes should I wear today? What TV do I have time for?  What books do I want to read?  Does my co worker think I'm a nice person?  Did that girl just give me a dirty look? When will I get my bathroom redone?  How will I handle it when I need another surgery? What color lipstick should I wear today?  What did I do for myself today?  Where will I be in my life in another 20 years?
Yup.  Even at 40 my brain moves at the speed of light from one thought to the other.  When I was little I would have to stop and explain how I got from one thought to another within a 2 minute period because 12 other thoughts would go from one to the other and if you didn't know the path that my thoughts took then the beginning thought made no sense with the end thought.
I, like most people, like to think that I am a very complicated person.  I have been though a lot health wise in my life.  I've been though a divorce and lost my ability to have children. I have always been very social, very smart, and very emotional. This is how I perceive myself.  Funny, loving, joyous, and intelligent.
The thing is, none of this is a lie.  I can be funny, I can be loving, I can be joyous and I am intelligent.  However, these are not the things that I should choose to define me.  Some people might ask why, well the answer is something that I fight to remember on a daily basis.
It's not me.
Every ounce of talent, personality, and intelligence that I have is God given.  I didn't work for it, I didn't create myself, I didn't pick and choose the good stuff that I wanted for what I wanted myself to be.  I was born this way, moreover, I was born screaming and crying into this world and without God's guidance that is exactly who I still am. That isn't complicated, selfishness is very simple.
My nature is sinful.  Certain people gasp sometimes when I say that out loud, but luckily God also gifted me with truth 2 years ago when I was baptized.  For 38 years I saw myself the way that I chose to, I still do if I don't keep growing in Christ.
Let's face it, it's easier to see myself as how I would like to be rather than how I am.
I am selfish and prideful and I gossip and I hurt people with my opinion that isn't even asked for.  I can be disrespectful, I can be hurtful, and I can completely see a situation only in how it affects me and forget that anyone else has feelings or thoughts in the same situation.
It's very easy to forget that I didn't create myself.  In fairness God loves me enough that he gave me free will, but what do I do with that?  Do I wake up everyday and think, how can I help God today?  Is that my first thought?
Do I wake up and think about what I need to do at work, in school, for my husband, and for my child?  None of these are things that I shouldn't be thinking about.  God gave them to me and he expects me to love and appreciate them.  He expects gratitude.
But more than anything, God expects me.  All of me, not the parts that I am willing to let him have, not the parts that need help, or the pretty parts that are ok to show him, All Of Me.  He knows anyway, but he wants humility, he wants praise, he wants me to rely on him.
I'm a parent now and I watch how my son reacts to his dad sometimes and how my husband responds.  Even if Eric is angry with our son you can see how hurt he is by the disrespect that the kiddo sometimes dishes out.  I can see the unconditional love that he has for our son and that in every part of Eric is the need to protect and love and care for our son.  Our son that is almost 15 years old.  Love like that never goes away.  That "I love you because I created you and I love you so much more than I could ever love myself" kind of love.
At 4 months God loved me like that, at 4 years, at 14, and now at 40.  If I live to be 100 God will love me like that, now, and forever.  He feels that way about every human being on the planet.
That is who I am.  A beloved daughter of God.  That is really who God made me to be and I rejoice in it.

When did I get so Selfish?

Today was a hard day  I had the normal stuff, going back to work, dealing with people at work that frustrate me, running to get pain pills from the doctor before work and a doctor's appointment on my lunch break that made yet another defining decision in my health life that I wasn't happy about. 
Then I was in too much pain to go to church or do anything else for that matter, and then I had a whopper of a discussion with my husband that was just barely not an all out fight.

Has anyone noticed me complaining yet?

Not outright, no, in fact most people would read this post and be like, wow Kris, you had a really hard day.  But was it really?

No.  It wasn't.  Work was what it's expected to be, work.  Getting pills and doctor appointments have become every week kinds of things for me, and bad news about my health.  Well I've only got one body and it will last as long as God decides it will.  The pain, temporary, the fight, I love Eric and he loves me and we hurt each other good and proper, but we will be together forever because that's who we are and we are blessed to have each other. I specifically am blessed to have found someone who loves me so much.

I see in myself this tendency, to never want what I have and to want everything that I don't.  What is that entitlement issue?  Pride.  I deserve better than this.  How dare I only have a loving God, a family that adores me, a beautiful house with a dog and 3 cats?  How could I ever possibly be happy with a job that pays the bills, friends who care deeply for me and would do just about anything to help me?  How badly do I have it that I am spiritually challenged by God through people, circumstances, and suffering almost daily?

Seriously?  That is the way I think sometimes.  All  of the blessings that I have in a day are wiped out because of a couple of bad things happening?  Then I act like I deserve better.  So what is it that I actually really want to be better? 

Do I delve deep into myself and say, wow, my life would be so much easier and happier if I just expected less?  Or do I look at the world and the people around me to provide more than what I already have?  Do I make other's responsible for my happiness?

Where is my grace?  Where is my forgiveness? Where is my love for goodness sake?

So here is the truth from my perspective and God's, be content.  Now, this is not an excuse to get lazy in my relationships, or to take a break from working.  But this is an honest to goodness look at my heart and realize that nobody owes me anything.

That's right, you heard it here first.(not really)  The world doesn't owe me anything.  They didn't ask me to exist, they didn't demand that I come here and start complaining from the moment that I arrived about how hard my life is.

I can't walk a mile in my own shoes without finding something I don't like, let alone having to walk in the shoes of a cancer patient, or a starving child in Africa, or a tortured woman who has no say as to who her body is given to.  Yet as I was talking at(yes, at him) my poor Eric and telling him how hard things were for me, the voice in the back of my head (it was God) was saying, "this man loves you and you are hurting him", yet I still kept going.  I watched the sadness come into his eyes and watched as he stopped being walled in and became hurt.
Was that my goal?

It wasn't, but it didn't stop me from being selfish and awful and in that moment everything that I don't like about myself.  Why?  Because I'm selfish.  I'm working on it, but man, when it comes out it really comes out.

I am incredibly blessed and yet I allow myself to overlook all that I have so that I can focus on the one thing that I can't.  I should be content with anything I have let alone everything I have but that entitlement and selfishness shows up every time and it always costs me or someone I love something.
Scripture says: Hebrews 13:5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
People say that's about money, but really it's about God promising never to leave or forsake me.  That should be enough.

Hopefully I can start to put my own needs and wants and desires on the back burner and let someone else have what they want for a change.  I think that God will give me contentment in that if I let him.

Kris