Today is what I call my spirithday. Two years ago today I made the decision to live my life for Christ and to consider heaven my home, not the world that I currently live in.
The last two years on my spirithday I look back and remember what it was like on the day that I decided to devote my entire life to the love and pursuit of God's word and the life of a disciple of Christ.
I remember waking up that monring and reading the entirety of 1 Peter (still one of my favorite parts of the Bible to read), I remember that my sister Melissa and her husband had come all the way from South Carolina to watch my life change as I came out of my baptism with the holy spirit now guiding me instead of my own internal thoughts.
I remember my husband, and my son being there and watching.
But most of all, what I remember, more than anything is coming up out of the water sobbing. There are no words to describe it, there is no way that I can tell you the relief, the joy, the weight that was lifted within 3 seconds of baptism.
It's impossible to explain to someone who has never studied God's word and then decided that whatever life God has for them is better than any life they could have planned for themselves. It's hard to explain the love and compassion that are in my heart that weren't there before. It's impossible to tell someone that you were made a new creation by Christ in the 3 seconds that you were in the water.
But it's true. Believers will tell you it's the holy spirit and I'm filled with it, I will tell you that.
Others will say that I needed something to believe in after all of the struggles that my health and the rest of my life threw at me, and that's not necessarily untrue, but it's not why I chose what I did.
Some will say that I've been brainwashed and that I can't think for myself. That isn't true either. (Especially if you know how head strong and willful I can be).
People who haven't experienced God's love in it's purest form cannot understand. In a world that demands that we give in to our own needs and wants, a life of sacrifice in the name of God isn't understood or validated. Being kind to people without expecting something in return, especially credit, is almost frowned upon.
Living your life for Christ and being open and honest about it regardless of who you are talking to is offensive to some people.
Not because they are bad people but because they don't understand it. I didn't understand it for 38 years and then I decided to look into it for myself. I asked questions, I wanted proof, I demanded answers, and then I believed. I am sure that the women who were in my bible studies wondered where some of these questions came from.
I wanted reassurance, I wanted promises, I wanted a better life here. But biblically I'm not entitled to that. Honestly, I wasn't created for that purpose.
Once I took a solid look at where I had been and where I could be, I was convicted. At that moment I couldn't imagine a life without God leading it.
So two years ago today I committed myself to living in God's way and God's truth. I have never regretted it and I grow closer to him and closer to the person that I was meant to be every day. What freedom I have experienced in the last 2 years! What grace and love have been put into my eyes for me to see.
The fact that my life is still hard is ok, the fact that I still don't always get my way is also ok, because what matters now is so different than what mattered before. I hope that people no longer see me, I hope that they see Christ. Everything good in me came from him. My gifts, my love, my heart, my soul, my joy, my happiness, and my personality. All him, working through me to better love and touch those around me. I pray that I continue to let him do it until the day I die.
Two years later, I am still excited to be a disciple of Christ and I can't wait to see what he has planned for me next.
K
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