I hadn't meditated in over a year.
I can't tell you the specific reason that I stopped.
Maybe I thought I was too busy. Maybe a part of me thought I didn't need it.
Maybe the thought was I didn't deserve it.
But I made the decision tonight to try again.
The beginning was hard, I laid in my favorite position (legs up the wall) on my mat and instantly realized how tight my chest was.
My breathing was heavy and not even close to even.
Something almost close to panic.
Then I focused on my body and the tense muscles that needed to let go.
Slowly as the music that I had chosen went to the next song my back released onto the floor, my legs got loose against the wall, and I flexed and stretched my fingers and my arms.
By the third song I was completely drawn into my own breathing and I could hear but wasn't paying attention to the dogs barking, the traffic on the street, and the voices of my family downstairs.
My breathing slowed, mellowed and found it's rythym.
Slow and steady, deeper and deeper, my heart relaxed and my chest with it.
I pushed out a 5 second exhale and my eyes filled with tears as I let go of the pent up feelings I didn't need in that moment.
I spent the last 5 minutes in child's pose, my own cocoon of dark and peace.
As I listened to the music and allowed it to fill the spaces I had opened.
As I sat up relaxed and happy, I thought, "Old habits die hard....Thank God. "
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