My entire life I have always been an open book. It's always been my default to share whatever happens to be on my mind regardless of what it was or who was hearing it.
Granted in the past 30 years or so society as a whole has encouraged people to share all of their feelings. Especially those that are sad or angry. Because those feelings are better out than in right?
Well, I'm not sure anymore that people should bare all of their souls or at least we should all be picky about whom we share things with. I have this belief for a number of reasons.
I live with and love an introvert. And even though I sometimes have to dig deep for patience because he is very self sufficient I have also learned from him that many of the things that I have always shared of myself are actually very private to him and in keeping his privacy, private, I have learned that I actually prefer that sometimes myself.
Holding things close to my own inner self has also allowed me at times to step back and decide if the feelings that I have in a situation or with a person are worth expressing or if they are a temporary feeling that will fade. I've become a fan of making sure that I want to make a big deal out of something in the moment or if it's something I need to let go.
Expressing who you are should never be a debate, however, I've learned that words don't always do the best job at expression. That hugs, a smile, and nuances of body language and facial expressions are a better representation of where my heart and mind are. There is little room for doubt when someone is hugging you and means it.
I have found that sometimes I catch myself by surprise as to how I truly feel about something when I'm not putting it out there for everyone and their mother to have an opinion about. I find that my own thoughts can provide me exactly what I need nine times out of ten and if I need input that the people closest to me are more than willing to tell me how it really is from an outside perspective.
Admittedly, there are down sides to not expressing yourself when you probably should. People shouldn't have to guess what you are feeling, you shouldn't expect mind reading to be going on so that you don't have to share the important things in your life. It is each of our responsibility to reach out and ask for help when we need it and tell people when something is wrong.
How we do this depends of course on our past experiences with trust and how we have been helped or hurt by situations and people in them when we shared a painful or scary experience.
Even joyful experiences can have a negative impact on us if someone else can't share in our joy.
One of the things that I have had the chance to evaluate about myself as I started to share a bit less was that I was sometimes only relaying information to people that I thought that they could handle and sugar coating the rest.
Or I would not share because I was afraid of judgment, or ridicule, or because I might hurt someone by sharing my feelings.
In essence I was playing God with my feelings and not trusting those around me to be able to handle who I really was or how I really felt. Which was incredibly selfish and arrogant.
So instead of overthinking my feelings and who can handle them or who can't. I come to the table in full fledged honesty these days, except that I share that honesty with less people and the details for the few friends that I know don't judge or give me tons of advice. Instead they allow me to speak while they listen and they let me work it out through hugs and love and sometimes when asked, words.
Me learning to say less has also allowed me to let other say more. That, in and of itself is a thing that I treasure getting better at. Being a listener allows me to learn more about the people that I care about and to put into practice the love I have for them.
So that next FB post, that next Twitter, that next conversation......decide what really needs to be said and how you really want to say it. Find kindness in your honesty. Without overcomplicating it, find out how you really feel and what you really want to say....that is if you decide to say anything at all.
K
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